Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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