My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
