Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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