Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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