Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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