last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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