cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
