You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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