I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize