Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
