does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
