never play flip cup with pint glasses
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
