so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
