Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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