why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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