yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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