you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize