Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
...so i touched it.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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