I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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