I look better un-naked...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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