I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
