So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
