The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
