We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She told me I should be a condom model.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
