don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
