Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Boobs are out for the taking
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
