Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
