If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
