i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
