she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He? As in you personified your dick?
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