i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
