you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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