Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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