Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
