never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
