I think im going to throw up on grandma
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
