Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just invented taco cereal.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
