watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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