youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
