Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
