I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
