Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
