Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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