This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
