Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
