When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
