i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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