covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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