I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize