i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
