Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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