Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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