Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I can't turn off my feet"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
