dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
