People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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