You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
