Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
