Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
