lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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