she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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