You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
