i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
