It's Friday. Sex?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
