Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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