he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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