My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
