I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
