Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
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I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My ass is underappreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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