I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You are a genius and a whore.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
