As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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