I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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