You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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